Er . . . I mean, “We should applaud that person for their efforts!”
The person in question was a young Swedish man by the name of Ragnar Bengtsson. Back in September, he pledged to bust out a breast pump daily in three-hour intervals until December in an effort to produce breast milk.
Let’s all take a moment to comprehend this. Man... breast pump... 4 months straight.
The reason? He was quoted as saying, “Anything that doesn't do any harm is worth trying out, and if it works it could prove very important for men's ability to get much closer to their children at an early stage.”
Um, yeah. Okay. I can almost buy that explanation.
One Swedish endocrinologist said that if this man stuck to his plan, he may be able to produce enough of the hormone prolactin to cause lactation. However, she suggested that perhaps he and other men like him could instead offer their children a breast just for comfort...
"Men often have trouble finding things if the mother is out, the child is screaming, and they can't find the pacifier. I'm sure there are a lot of men who give their baby their breasts.”
Shall I take another moment of silence or just go right into my piece now? Okay. I’ll wait while the image of a mother coming home and finding her baby up at her husband’s chest as he’s watching the show, “Nip/Tuck,” runs through your mind.
Well, that wasn’t a pleasant image. Sorry.
Sufficed to say, he gave up on his . . . experiment . . . last month. All I have to say is, too bad.
Can you imagine what would have happened if this had actually worked? The benefits would be astounding. In one fell swoop, or overflowing breast, this man would have accomplished the unthinkable: World Peace.
No terrorist/dictator would get it into his fool head to invade another country if they had to breast feed their children. Think about that conversation:
Two terrorists sitting at a table diagraming their plans...
“Come, Omar. Let me put this explosive up your butt so you can set it off in the plaza.”
“Not right now, Punji. I’m lactating.”
A robber walking into a bank while holding a gun in one hand and a pump in the other? It would never happen. No way he could slip the bank teller a note.
And if men could breast feed, this would also give women more time to do those important household chores like grocery shopping, driving the older kids to soccer practice, and brain surgery. Of course, I would be careful if the man breast-fed during the football game and decided to spike the baby during a touchdown.
Oh well. A failed endeavor. Maybe another man would like to try a different experiment in an effort to understand women more and the hassles we face during our lives.
I’m all for them having menstruation.
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