Friday, September 17, 2010

My Comeback Post... or... guess who got tagged with a meme?

(snagged photo from this site. It seemed appropriate for what's coming.)

If you guessed me as the person in the post title, you would only be partially right. I actual got tagged with TWO memes. And guess what? It's the same meme. And guess what else? I got tagged on the same day.

Yeah, cruel. I know.

Both of these wonderful people (and you can see I only put links on the words "these" and "people" since I know readers like to skim blog posts and will never see the "wonderful" bit, which gives this meme a whole new meaning), tagged me with the... see! You know the meme has to be pure evil when nobody gives it an actual name. It's like when hearing a doorbell and seeing the flaming bag of dog poop sitting on the welcome mat. You know what's inside it but you have to stomp on the bag anyway out of pure instinct.

This cruel and unusual meme forces you to do something you might not be inclined to do but can't help yourself.

I'll do this in reverse and answer the questions from the second person who tagged me who was tagged from someone else who tagged us both at the same time. If that made sense to you, good for you! If it didn't, I just took a little bit of your soul and sanity. That's the way my evil works.

So, Matt Colon's questions... answered.

1 - What's better advice for a kid. "Always look both ways before talking candy from strangers" or "when crossing the street, stop, drop, and roll"?

Definitely the "stop, drop, and roll" part. With them convulsing in the sidewalk, it makes carjackings so much easier than using guns. Cuts down on the violence.

2 - If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?

Vegetarians. DUH!

3 - and Unitarians?


4 - and Presbyterians?

First Ladies. That's almost a dirty joke.

5 - Do you think the fact that Underdog is no longer aired is due to fact that he would only gain his super powers after taking a pill, and people believe that promotes use of drugs, or because Garfield master minded a hostile take over of Underdog's time slot?

Don't you realize it's a whole cartoon conspiracy. Felix the cat, disguised as Garfield, orchestrated the whole plan. That's why he's getting 10 to 12 in the state pen. Underdog is laughing while cashing in the lawsuit riches at the Betty Ford clinic.

6 - If you could choose one song to play loudly to announce your presence every time you entered a room, what would it be?

Anything by White Snake. While people are screaming and clutching their bleeding ears, it makes it easier to carjack them.

7 - What famous actor / actress would you cast as yourself in the motion picture?

Which motion picture and why wouldn't I star in it myself?

8 - Cake or Pie?

That's for the guy to decide, isn't it? Both are easy applications on the body...
Well, now that I got that nonsense out of the way. Oh, yeah. I have ANOTHER meme to do. I know you can sense the excitement in my voice, if this blog could actually speak. One more set of questions by a certain gentleman. Some of you know him as Suldog. Others know him as Jim Sullivan. A few of you know I call him MLGF (ask him what it means). This is his mugshot.

See, I used this photo because he's trying to quit smoking. A worthy endeavor. I gave my support and he goes and gives me a meme to do. Some friendship we have.

1 - You have a choice. You can have your nose replaced with a second set of your genitals, or you can have your genitals replaced with a second nose. Which would you choose, and why?

Yeah, uh-huh. This is a hidden butt joke, hence the photo. NOW you know how this man's mind works. 

2 - Do you think I give a tinker's damn?

Depends on what the tinker is tinkering with right now. If it has to do with the first question, I think we would all hear him say "damn" with either result.

3 - If you suddenly found yourself transformed into a cockroach, would you step on yourself?

Only if I'm double-jointed.

4 - If fuschia was a smell, and avocados were polar bears, why not Toronto?

Because Toronto shouldn't have to deal with double-jointed cockroaches tinkering with double pairs of things there shouldn't be double pairs of. They already have to deal with a bad hockey team. Why increase their misery?

5 - Does the fact that Deep Purple isn't in the Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame piss you off? How about the fact that Frankie Lymon & The Teenagers ARE in there? I mean, come on, not a bad singing group, but that's like putting Eddie Brinkman in Cooperstown.

I'm more angry that Power Line/Live Wire isn't in there.

6 - If you were Eddie Brinkman, would you be pissed off now?

That people like me don't know who he is... and might feel question two applies in this instance. Yes.

7 - Artichokes or Hand Grenades?

This feels like another dirty question. I'll pick artichokes simply because it seems like the least painful way to croak.

8 - What's that smell?

I don't know. I'm merely a cockroach choking on an artichoke while trying to stomp on myself.
The meme is over and I hear clapping, mainly from me. I'm suppose to come up with 8 questions and pass it on to 8 people, which technically I need 16 questions for 16 people. But since this would probably crash the blogosphere server with such mindless antics, I'll only come up with the eight.

1: If cats were dogs and dogs were cats, which would make a good peanut brittle?

2: If you could come up with one way to save humanity from alien forces, but it meant killing off the opposite sex, would you let your spouse push the button?

3: If you could pick one season to have year-round, how many M&M's would you hold between your toes?

4: If there was one sports team you would play for, who would you replace on the team and who would you have as a bodyguard when the player takes out a contract on your head?

5: Bear or deer? Which would you rather dine on?

6: So you have a billion dollars inherited by a rich, long-lost aunt who recently passed away. Would you pay off the judge, the lawyer, or the cops for the suspected crime?

7: What musical instrument have you ever had the urge to play?

8: What is the one movie you would be the director for and what scene would you drastically change?

Those are my eight questions. Here are my eight people who are tagged.

1: Matt Conlon
2: Jim Sullivan
3: Mr. Conlon
4: The Flaming Jimi LaRue
5: The person with this "]v[" as part of his blog title.
6: The person who posts this on his blog and he knows how I feel about the smaller kind.
7: Matt
8: Suldog

Have fun guys!


  1. Hey, at least now we know what it would take to get you back in blog-space. . .

    2) Explain to me exactly how 'killing off the opposite sex' would constitute 'saving humanity'. . . 'Cuz, you know, it would only be saving it for one generation of whichever sex survived. . .

    5) I've had both; both were good. I like deer better. . .

    7) I've actually played several instruments, mainly piano and variations on the guitar. The only one I've ever picked up that I simply couldn't get a sound out of was the oboe. . .

  2. Matt: Well, be happy for the publicity links.

    Pearl: Follow my links to "those people" and then follow their links All those blogs can make you laugh. THOSE are real memes. Mine is a humble knockoff.

  3. Craig: More instruments I've ever played. I always wanted to try my hand at a flute or violin.

    AS for the saving humanity part... depends on who is holding the TV remote control. I think the question is easier to answer that way.

    I've had deer. Very sweet meat.

  4. Welcome back! I was wondering where you'd been and am surprised it took a flaming bag of virtual e-poop to smoke you out.


  5. Nicely done, and two in one day? The karma gods are heaving on you, Surly :-) But you have risen to the task, and struck them down, causing a great tumble from Mt. Olympus.

    That or you nailed Jim in his right shin, which I applaud equally. Hey, I'm just thinking of him it will take his mind off of smoking.

  6. Nice move... good questions, too. Even I could answer at least one.

  7. Oh... my... GOD.

    Um, you do know there's a no tag-backs rule, right? I just made it up. However, I'll answer your questions here!

    1 - I say the dogs would make better peanut brittle, no matter which was which. That's because I've seen dogs eat peanut brittle, but not cats. That is, I've seen dogs eat peanut brittle, even though they might have preferred eating cats. I've been known to eat a cat or two in my life, but it was spelled differently.

    (This is going downhill much more quickly than I imagined it might. Wheeeeeeeee!)

    2 - Only if it killed off the opposite sex from her.

    3 - Peanut or plain?

    4 - It would be the Red Sox, and I'd replace the fourth-string catcher. I wouldn't have to work too hard, and since he's basically a scrub he's not rich enough to take out a contract on me.

    5 - I'd prefer a table to dine on, actually, but if it had to be one of those animals, I'll take the deer because it seems to me it would be easier to put a tablecloth on a deer than a bear.

    6 - I'd pay them all off. What the hell - I'm a billionaire, right? I've always figured if I had ONE million, that would be enough for me to live on for the rest of my life. Anything else would be gravy.

    7 - All of them.

    8 - Rocky IV, and I'd have to delete the final scenes where the Russians begin rooting for him to defeat the Soviet champion. That was the stupidest thing I've ever seen, outside of some of the folks on WIFE SWAP. I'd have Rocky get beaten to a bloody pulp and die. That way, there'd be no more sequels.

    OK, here's another question for YOU!

    1 - Is it hotter in the summer or the city?

  8. Rodell: Thanks. This was a good post to wet my feet and write more relaxing stuff. Now I just have to find the time.

    Land of Shrimp: Yes, I was hoping to kick Jim's butt... habit that is. Hope it helps. (If you read this comment, MLGF, you know I tease.)

    Uncle Skip: I tried my best, but by Number 6 I was running out of ideas.

    Suldog: No tagbacks? I must have missed the memo...

    Nice answers, my friend. I'll have to think of an answer to your question over the weekend. Talk to you then and have a great one!

  9. well shucks if i had known this was all it took to get you back i'd have tagged you a long time ago.

    as for instruments....i'd like to play the kazoo

  10. Lime: Well... that's an interesting way to play the kazoo :)

    Yes, all it took was a tag. I don't know if I'm picky, or pathetic. Probably the latter..

  11. You have freakin' got to be kidding me. . .

    That'd probably be easier if she had an extra set of genitals where her nose used to be, tho. . .

  12. I am having so much fun reading thes - good lawd! *laughing* -- like I told Suldog - even the disturbing digusting parts *LAUGH*

  13. I think you handled this perfectly!!! You are so witty!! And I'm with you and Jim...Memes are a pain! Nice to have you back!!! Love you!! Janine XO

  14. You know, it's a funny thing: I almost don't care WHAT you write, as long as you're WRITING. And of course, cracking wise on Jimi LaRue is part of the fun...but really, I've missed your voice, Surly Writer. ;)
    Angie at Eat Here

  15. Just checking on you!!! Hope all is going well!! Love you! Janine XO

  16. coolios...

    one thing: it's a tinker's DAM... but then, only if s/he gave a damn

  17. Well, I'm a few weeks late getting here, but happily your answers still sound fresh!

  18. Back to visit you again!!! Sending love and hugs! Janine XO


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