I got up this morning, poured myself a nice cold glass of strawberry and kiwi juice, and opened my gmail account to see what viagra product I’m being spammed about today. Sitting there, all large and in dark type, was this message:
WOW! Women On Writing Summer 08 Flash Fiction Contest Update
Huh? It didn’t look like spam. A hazy memory came to me about a contest back in August. I had written something about comedians and headless chickens and scary reapers who are psycho fans of their idols. I clicked on the email . . .
Well, that is a pretty picture to see in the Fall. Did you know that flamingos get their pink color from the pink shrimp they eat? I so love shrimp, one of my all-time favorite seafood. Fix it any way you like and I will eat it, even the coconut-breaded shrimp and I hate coconuts.
Um . . . where was I? Oh, yes. The email. Well, after I got past the pretty picture I actually read the words thinking the viagra people must have stooped to a new low in getting me to buy their product by making me think of shrimp and how that word should never be used toward a guy’s certain body part. Oh, besides the fact that I AM NOT A GUY! Yes, I realize the name "Michelle" can be considered a man’s name in other countries. But, rest assured viagra people, I AM NOT A GUY!
Okay . . . okay . . . the email message:
You’ve successfully made it through First Round Judging in the WOW! Summer 2008 Flash Fiction Contest. Your entry has officially been given the thumbs-up, and you’re well on your way!
Hee-hee! Look at that! I made it through the first round judging over my scary story, "Curse of the Serial Headless Chicken Reaper!" I never thought I would get this far. I figured the contest judges’ restraining orders had been finalized against me. My eyes skim down to MY CONTEST SCHEDULE (hee-hee) to find out that the guest judge will be submitting her choice for the top 10 entries by the third week of October. She might get them out sooner.
Well, nothing more for me to do then sit back and . . . hold up. What’s this?
If you are among the top 10, we will ask you to submit a brief bio & picture.
Ummm . . . bio? Picture? Gulp! I *shaky sigh* hate getting my picture taken. And I don’t know a thing about writing a bio of myself.
Ouch! I must have smacked my head on the table. I’m all right. I just have a little knot on my head. *another shaky sigh* I guess I’ll have to come up with something about myself, maybe the story about the horny cow that tried to hump me or the time when my siblings swiped those construction signs because we wanted the pretty lights and we put them in the car and drove the 50 miles home with the yellow lights flashing as my mom took all the back roads.
Yeah, this bio thing should be easy to write . . . huh? Why are all of you laughing? You mean, that isn’t a bio? You mean, I have to write about myself, and just about myself with no surly humor?