Okay, I admit it. I chew on things. Whenever I get to a difficult part in my writing or I am frazzled by everyday life, I chew on my fingernails. I have chewed them down to stubs. Occasionally, I have ripped off a bit too much and caused blood to form.
Yet this is not my worse chewing habit.
When I get deeply involved with a story, it makes me happy. If I am happy, I forget about my nails as they grow long and beautiful while making click-clack-click over the keyboard. Sounds like a good thing, right? Unfortunately, no.
Instead of chewing on my fingernails, I will chew on pens. No part of them is safe from my gnawing teeth. The ends. The caps. The middle. THE FRONTS. I have walked around with spots of ink on my lips because I had grabbed a pen without looking and shoved the wrong end into my mouth only to taste something yucky and realize the mistake. Even now, I have a pen in my mouth as if it were a fat Cuban cigar and I was taking in a nice lazy drag in satisfaction.
I have chipped teeth while pretending I am a beaver seeking nutrients from the forest of pens nestled inside my porcelain elephant pen holder.
I know I need to stop. Yet every time I try, I end up snacking on something while I am writing. This is even more distracting. My fingers get on funky. The crumbs are getting onto my keyboard to feed the dust bunnies lurking under the spacebar. And I don’t write as fast when only using one hand.
So which is worse? It is my overeating and gaining weight while not getting more writing done? Or is it chewing on a pen that I don’t have to hold, freeing my typing fingers to amuse everyone with my wacky stories while occasionally making funny designs on my lips?
Sigh. I need to go to the office supply store and buy more pens.
What bad habits do my readers have? Come tell me so we can share in the therapy bill.