Deja Vu Ado

So, the other day I went into my Technorati profile. I had avoided going there during the month of July, knowing my ranking number would slide into the depths of Satan’s nether regions because of my lack of posts. Immediately, I saw the number.

(Deep breaths, Michelle. C’mon, girl. Breathe. BREATHE!)

My lovely rank of 23 had dropped to a measly 5, which places this blog somewhere within the 600,000 range of other bloggers who have the same ranking. Fer crissakes! A 5?!? But I was in for a bigger surprise. I clicked on the link for this blog. Instead of the basic information page with the title and the most recent posts, I got sent to another place. This was what it basically said:

“We’re sorry. We can’t find your blog in our directory. Please click on our Blog Quality Guidelines . . . something - something.”

Guidelines? Rules? Regulations? What’s this nonsense about following their prescribed rigmarole of Terms and Conditions? I DON’T FOLLOW NO STINKING RULES!

Ahem, anyway, I clicked on the link as I skipped over the DO list and skipped down to the DON’T section that can get a person booted out their system. It had the basics.

“Don’t use your site solely for advertising purposes . . .”

(Yeah, tell that to Google Adsense)

“Don’t engage in illegal activity like pilfering the IRS database to find out all the workers’ addresses so you can ship each of them a crate of rabid squirrels . . .”

(But, they’re so cute and cuddly when foaming at the mouth)

Then I came to this rule that stuck out the most.

“Do not ask us to index objectionable, obscene, offensive content or content that promotes or displays pornography.”

Well, that certainly can’t apply to this saintly place.

I thought about it for a moment, then realized the grave mistake Technorati must have made concerning my recent post from Wednesday of last week. I started screaming at the computer screen, since we all know how much THAT helps the cause.

“You wait just a damn minute! That wasn’t pornography. That was bestiality. There’s a difference! The dog didn’t even buy anyone a drink before getting his hump on.”

I began slamming my forehead into the monitor, because this ALSO always helps the cause. And wouldn’t you know it? It did help. I had a huge headache and couldn’t think about what I was doing anymore. After taking a brief nap, I went back to the computer wondering when the last time I went into my Technorati profile. So I logged in. I had avoided going there during the month of July, knowing my ranking number would slide into the depths of Satan’s nether regions --

Hey, why does this sound so familiar?

Anyway, to cut to the chase, I logged in and clicked on the link to this blog. My basic information page popped up, although for some strange reason I have this funny feeling that it shouldn’t have. Oh well. I skipped down to my recent posts. Boy, was I in for a surprise.

“Virtue in a Misanthrope” was my most recent post from Monday of last week.

(Deep breaths, Michelle. C’mon, girl. Breathe. BREATHE!)

Why do they always do this crap? Rarely does it have my most recent post. I sat there thinking for a moment, then I realized Technorati must not have appreciated the post I made on Wednesday of last week. I started screaming at the computer.

“You wait just a damn minute! That wasn’t pornography. That was bestiality. There’s a difference! The cow didn’t even buy any flowers before wanting to get his bump on.”

I began slamming my forehead into the monitor until I had this huge headache. I couldn’t even think straight anymore. After taking a brief nap, I went back to the computer wondering what I should do today.

Maybe I’ll go into my Technorati profile . . .