Thursday, June 3, 2010

Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire!

I’ve been cursed blessed by nefarious infamous fantabulous Cat Lady Larew from “How to Become A Cat Lady Without The Cats” with the following award.

Only because I like her, and this sounds like an interesting way to waste post space, I will endeavor to not only follow the rules but make it entertaining for everyone. Here are the rules in accepting such an award:

If you want this award, you must:
- thank the person who gave you the award
- copy the logo and place it on your blog
- link to the person who nominated you
- tell up to six outrageous lies about yourself and at least one outrageous truth, or vice-versa
- nominate seven "creative" writers
- post links to the blogs you nominate
- leave a comment on each blog letting them know they've won the award

Wait a minute! Let me understand this, you want me to LIE on this blog after all the truths I’ve talked about concerning boxer-gifting, pseudo-exboyfriends? That just seems to go against the grain. What possible lie could I come up with that’s better than the outrageous truths of my life?

Well, I’ll try to lie for Cat Lady Larew’s sake - and thank you for giving me the award! Let’s see if anyone can guess which truth lurks amongst the fibs...

1: I was a stripper in a bar owned by a fishmonger. I worked for scales, had nightly fish fries, and made $1000 when a rich guy asked for me to give him a bone and I handed him a cod skeleton. He laughed at the joke.

2: During my childhood on the farm, I once bit a cow on the ear for stepping on my shoelace. He bolted away, tripped, and went head over tail into the nearby pond - scaring the ducks. One duck went scrambling away, running beak first into the backside of a pig. The pig squealed in pained surprise and went dashing into the barn to hide.

3: I am a skilled woodworker. My greatest creation is a life-sized replica (in redwood) of Al Gore driving a Mo-ped with a skunk on his head.

4:  I was once offered money to pose in a naked photo shoot, but was given the boot when I had to admit that my breasts were real. The sponsor for the shoot was a cosmetic surgeon advocating silicon implants.

5: I was almost arrested for  public intoxication but was able to talk myself out of being taken to jail by betting the officer that the next person who drove by would be even more intoxicated than me, have a warrant out for his arrest, and will drive his car into a tree. I walked away a free girl that night.

6: The neighborhood kids and myself would go swimming in dirty toilet water runoff in a nearby creek as we would go fishing for crawdaddies. We figured if deer can drink the water without killing over then we were safe.

7: When 15-years-old, I ran away from home and into the midst of a big-time drug dealer. Instead of taking advantage of me in such a situation, he drove me home convincing me that life wasn’t so bad in such a loving family environment that I had.

Okay, time to name the lucky participants. If you’ve done this already, I won’t feel bad if you skip this post. If you don’t feel like doing this, that’s understandable too. No pressure from my end. This is the one rule I’m going to fiddle with by only nominating 3 creative people. This award has been spreading nonstop through the blogosphere and I want to leave a few victims participants untouched for someone else to nominate. Also, I believe these people are very creative in their own right and could come up with some whoppers that might even be more entertaining than my strange real life.

1: Angela from Eat Here
2: Aubrie from Flutey Words
3: Eric from Working My Muse

Have fun looking for the truth! I'll make another post to let you in on which one is the truth.


  1. Thank you for the award!

    All of those things are so outrageous you have me stumped! I have no idea what the truth is!

  2. Number seven rings a bell as maybe something you've written about before, but I'm kinda hoping it's the Al Gore carving that's the real one.

  3. Oh, well done! Well done, Michelle! These make you sound both intriguing and alluring... so they must all be true. I take it someone already bought the Tipper Gore companion sculpture. Al might take longer to sell.

  4. Glad I dropped by on a day where you've won another award. Congrats (I think)! :)

    Come enter my new book title contest if you get time. Meow & hugs.

  5. I think #s 6 and 7 are for true and where does one find a cometic surgeon>

  6. Oops! I meant "coSmetic" surgeon.

  7. All of those are so crazy that I can't tell what's what.

    This is my first visit to your blog so for all I know you could be some officer betting, Al Gore wood carving, cowbiting, nudey shot posing teen runaway.

    I'm going to check back for the truth. ;)

  8. Damn. I say ALL of them are the truth, and I'm amazed that your life exactly matches mine (well, except for the big boobs. Mine are implants.)

  9. well those are quite the set of yarns! i'd really like to see your al gore carving. ;)

  10. I'm ROFL over Jim's two are quite a comedy routine!! There is no way in heck, Michelle, that I can possibly guess...I started...and then, I changed my mind...and again...and again...I'm always so way I could answer such a question! But these are fantastically fun! Loved this! Have a wonderful weekend! Love, Janine XO


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