Thursday, February 10, 2011

So... where have I've been...

Yes, I'm back briefly to make a post. I was kidnapped by tiny munchkin people who insisted I feed them a white liquid substance and undergo laborious tasks of removing a soiled cottony substance encased in gauze, plastic, and with yellow straps.

It has been absolute bliss!

Yes, I know I said I was kidnapped. And I was. My life changed completely. It all started on February 2nd. Groundhog's Day.

I started feeling sick. Major cramping along my abdomen. The cramping lasted all morning, into the afternoon, and started into the evening hours. It was into the 6 o'clock news when I couldn't take the pain anymore and asked a friend to call an ambulance. He knew I wasn't feeling well, and he wasn't feeling well himself with a cold. So we had both just tried to deal with our own ailments during the day while still keeping each other company.

But our call was intercepted.

It looked like an ambulance. And I stepped inside the screeching, red light flashing vehicle. And the paramedics seemed like regular paramedics although I've never had the pleasure of needing them before. I thought we were headed to the hospital. But, if you have ever ridden in an ambulance before, you aren't ever facing forward to see where you are going, and there are no windows along the sides to stare out at the streaking scenery.

We pulled up to the building of red brick. The "paramedics" unloaded the stretcher with me fastened securely. And that's when I knew I was abducted.

Seriously, I was abducted. You can shake your head, but I will carry the evidence with me my entire life. I even have the leftover wrist bracelets. My mistress is kind enough to allow me to not have to wear them, so long as I swore total allegiance to her everyday whims and desires for my entire life.

As it were, how could I say no? Her mere face has the mystic powers of a sorceress. She is like Medusa and the snakes. If you look at her, you turn to stone. Well, when I look at her, my heart turns to butter and I must bend my will to accommodate her. She chose me as her own, stamping her number/letter code on the bracelet to identify me. Then with a mighty nod of her flopping head, she indicated that I should take her back to my home, making room for her things for her extended stay.

I was kidnapped. I am still under my kidnapper's heart bindings. But I was able, after she had fallen asleep, to snap a photo of her.

This "kid" sure does love to "nap!" Seriously, this "napper" doesn't "kid" around when she wants to have her way. When she wants a "nap," this kid will sleep everywhere, even pinning me down on the bed so she can "nap" on my chest. This "kidnapper" naps away, and who am I "kidding," I enjoy watching her "nap." But this "kid" can sometimes make it hard for me to "nap." But I cope wholeheartedly. I even welcome it on some days.

Yes, this is my kidnapper. Her name is Jaquline Ann. Born on February 2nd, 2011. My nine day old daughter.

I'm still glad she let me remove the hospital... er... kidnapper wrist bracelets.

Photos the property of Jaquline Ann. This blog now the property of Jaquline Ann. The Surly Writer is also now my property, as in I, Jaquline Ann. All correspondence shall be directed to me, Jaquline Ann. Do not send prison files, skeleton keys, crowbars, explosives or any other means of escape to The Surly Writer. Her resistance is futile! And you will also come under my will... someday... MWAHAHAHAHA! Sincerely, Jaquline Ann.


  1. I love it.
    Congratulations, she is beautiful.

  2. Wow! So many congratulations and good thoughts being sent your way. What a spirit - in both of you!

  3. Well congrats! What a little beauty she is. :)

  4. congrats, she's so tiny and sweet!

  5. I had no clue. . .

    But congratulations! I'm here to tell you that parenthood changes you more certainly, and more irrevocably, than anything you'll ever do. . .

    Do I surmise the rumblings of a newly incipient Mommy Blog?


  6. Thanks everyone! I know I'm adorable, but continue to send me good praise. I thought about forcing The Surly Writer into creating a blog all about me, but figured I'd pop in here now and again to tell snippets about things. Like how mommy was so flustered trying to fill out stacks of paperwork at my first pediatrician's visit, she wrote down "Col-Rite Stool Softener" as one of the medications I was on instead of her. Silly woman!!

    Sincerely, Jaquline Ann

  7. Dear Jaquline Ann....As you are now the property of The Surly Writer I would like to be among the first to tell you that you have a superb and very caring Mommie. "Bliss" is the operative word for you now....but just hang in there...the words will change and never stop....and they keep getting better and better. As you nap, I hope that you let your Mama nap, too. Much love and warmest hugs to you, Jacqueline Ann...and to your Mama.

  8. Wonderful! What precious shots! Thanks for sharing. Best wishes.

  9. Oh Michelle how adorable and precious she is!! Wow, we had no idea. Congratulations !!

  10. Jaquline Ann:

    Please allow me to say I welcome our new bloggy overlord. Anything you need in the way of subservient bowing and scraping, you just let me know.

  11. Ah. Suldog. I knew you would be the first I would need to conquer. Good to see you have decided to not put up any fight! You promised my mommy a tank during your brief reign as emperor of the universe (from your old post). I need the spare keys. Mommy hid hers from me.

    Sincerly, Jaq

  12. Welcome Jaq. Get your Mom to bring ya'll to South Louisiana. Great food and better people. Your Aunt Angie gives great hugs.
    Coach Oren

  13. great stuff!

  14. Oh, MICHELLE! Er, I mean, Jaquline Ann, what wonderful news! Although my own boys are (mostly) grown, I loved being pregnant and have little ones so much that I'd have had a dozen. (This was not the prevailing majority opinion in the household at the time, of course.) I'm so happy for you, and she is SOOOO beautiful!!

    I suspect this means I need to crochet a tiny little hat. Better email me your snail mail address. :)
    Lots of love and joy,
    Angie at Eat Here

  15. Yay! You chose well when you kidnapped Michelle! She'll keep you entertained with amazing stories... so long as you let her out for some fresh air every once in awhile.

  16. Suldog mentioned your new baby on his blog and I want to add my congratulations to all the other well wishers. I never thought about it but riding in an ambulance would be quite distressing to not be able to see the direction the vehicle is traveling. Jaquline Ann is beautiful! She already has you pretty much understanding who is in charge. Good for her.

  17. Uh, where have I been?? Congratulations!! :-D

  18. oh my goodness! congratulations! and welcome to the world, precious little one!

  19. Sweet Precious One! CONGRATS! :-D big smiling!

  20. Been distracted by earthquakes and only just caught up with your news
    Many congrats on a gorgeous daughter...


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