So... where have I've been...

Yes, I'm back briefly to make a post. I was kidnapped by tiny munchkin people who insisted I feed them a white liquid substance and undergo laborious tasks of removing a soiled cottony substance encased in gauze, plastic, and with yellow straps.

It has been absolute bliss!

Yes, I know I said I was kidnapped. And I was. My life changed completely. It all started on February 2nd. Groundhog's Day.

I started feeling sick. Major cramping along my abdomen. The cramping lasted all morning, into the afternoon, and started into the evening hours. It was into the 6 o'clock news when I couldn't take the pain anymore and asked a friend to call an ambulance. He knew I wasn't feeling well, and he wasn't feeling well himself with a cold. So we had both just tried to deal with our own ailments during the day while still keeping each other company.

But our call was intercepted.

It looked like an ambulance. And I stepped inside the screeching, red light flashing vehicle. And the paramedics seemed like regular paramedics although I've never had the pleasure of needing them before. I thought we were headed to the hospital. But, if you have ever ridden in an ambulance before, you aren't ever facing forward to see where you are going, and there are no windows along the sides to stare out at the streaking scenery.

We pulled up to the building of red brick. The "paramedics" unloaded the stretcher with me fastened securely. And that's when I knew I was abducted.

Seriously, I was abducted. You can shake your head, but I will carry the evidence with me my entire life. I even have the leftover wrist bracelets. My mistress is kind enough to allow me to not have to wear them, so long as I swore total allegiance to her everyday whims and desires for my entire life.

As it were, how could I say no? Her mere face has the mystic powers of a sorceress. She is like Medusa and the snakes. If you look at her, you turn to stone. Well, when I look at her, my heart turns to butter and I must bend my will to accommodate her. She chose me as her own, stamping her number/letter code on the bracelet to identify me. Then with a mighty nod of her flopping head, she indicated that I should take her back to my home, making room for her things for her extended stay.

I was kidnapped. I am still under my kidnapper's heart bindings. But I was able, after she had fallen asleep, to snap a photo of her.

This "kid" sure does love to "nap!" Seriously, this "napper" doesn't "kid" around when she wants to have her way. When she wants a "nap," this kid will sleep everywhere, even pinning me down on the bed so she can "nap" on my chest. This "kidnapper" naps away, and who am I "kidding," I enjoy watching her "nap." But this "kid" can sometimes make it hard for me to "nap." But I cope wholeheartedly. I even welcome it on some days.

Yes, this is my kidnapper. Her name is Jaquline Ann. Born on February 2nd, 2011. My nine day old daughter.

I'm still glad she let me remove the hospital... er... kidnapper wrist bracelets.

Photos the property of Jaquline Ann. This blog now the property of Jaquline Ann. The Surly Writer is also now my property, as in I, Jaquline Ann. All correspondence shall be directed to me, Jaquline Ann. Do not send prison files, skeleton keys, crowbars, explosives or any other means of escape to The Surly Writer. Her resistance is futile! And you will also come under my will... someday... MWAHAHAHAHA! Sincerely, Jaquline Ann.