Recently, I needed to get some official papers from an official government-run facility.
Yeah. You’re expecting the worse too, aren’t you?
And I shouldn’t say it was recent. I’ve been trying to do this since March. Without going into any details concerning the nature of the business, I needed to prove my current address to them by regular snail mail. It sounds simple, right? Well, I sent it out (two different documents of proof) to this facility and to a second one who needed the same. The second place accepted the documents.
The first place did not.
Why? “Illegible Proof of Zip Code.”
Why didn’t they tell me this in the first letter denying me the official papers? I don’t know. Why didn’t they say this in the second letter denying me the official papers? Maybe someone was on a lunch break and forgot. I had to EMAIL them, without proving who I was, to find out.
You’re laughing at the irony. So am I.
So what was the real problem? One of my documents was a photocopy of my driver’s license. Right now, I want everyone to take out their driver’s license and look at it. Look at where your address is on it. On my Pennsylvania driver’s license, the last digits of the zip code run over the miniature photo of me.
Hold on. Why are there two photos on the license to begin with? We have a large one and an itty-bitty one. To what end? I mean, really, a large drunk picture of me with bloodshot eyes and the fake beard is proof enough for the cop to bust me for driving too fast in my Amish cart without needing the small picture.
Anyway, the last two numbers on the zip code are right on my face and hair. See the problem? You don’t? Sigh . . .
When you do a black photocopy of a black person with black numbers over their black face, everything comes out yellow with purple dots.
I didn’t notice it the first time. I didn’t notice it the second time. The third time had me shaking my head at the goofiness of the situation.
In this technological world where a person can go online to do background/criminal checks on their neighbors, pull up satellite photos of them skinny dipping in their pool, and find out their miniature poodle flunked out of dog obedience class for mauling a pit bull, we can’t get a clear photocopy of a black person so the zip code appears.
I hate my life.
Note: I just realized something. If they sent out TWO LETTERS using the zip code I provided them, then doesn’t that mean that they CAN READ THE ZIP CODE???