Free liquor.
No, wait. That wasn’t it. Okay. Yes it is. I stop anywhere for free booze. Actually, someone was holding a chess tournament and they invited me.
Um, no. That wasn’t it either.
Vampires. Yes, it concerned vampires – the walking undead, which does usually happen when I down a whole case of booze while playing chess-drinking games.
Okay, I’m just being plain silly now.
What happened was I stopped by the Book Roast blog. This is a place where authors go to show off their wares. They post a small excerpt of their books, and then readers play games like how soused will Michelle get before she cracks a bishop piece up someone’s . . .
Um, I better take a different route with this. I stopped by the blog where author (and agent) Lucienne Diver had her book, VAMPED, being roasted – not literally. I’m sure with the right seasoning one can really devour it but second-hand smoke is bad for a person.
Anyway, people were having a fun time answering questions so they could compete to receive a free signed copy of the book.
Guess who won?Yep. The question involved chess. What is the sexiest piece on the board and how would you move it (or something like that)? I picked the Rook for obvious reasons. I believe my answer was, “He's stout, large in his role, always sure in his moves when chasing down the pawns, and patient to sit in the corner knowing you are saving him as best for last. Move him straight up the Queen’s dress.”
So many dirty thoughts are going through some of my readers’ minds right now.
Stop it. This is a Young Adult novel. So I don’t want to hear anything cheeky. The book just came in on Monday and, oh wow! I’m not usually a fan of Young Adult fiction. But we have a sassy teenage vampire trying to transform her entire high school into her own vampire army while another sassy teenage vampire tries to stop it while preventing any wardrobe malfunctions.
I was laughing before I even got to the first chapter. This is my kind of book just by the blurb on the back. Chess. Vampires.
All I need is booze.
Anyway, go pick up the book yourself and read it. You won’t be disappointed unlike the horrors of this blog post. I have to cut down on that strawberry kiwi juice, and attend an AA meeting.
Well, congratulations, Surly girl! So glad you won the fanged prize.
ReplyDeleteI know nothing about chess really, always thought that wast the most boring game, but you sure make it sound interesting.;))
ReplyDeleteI was laughing so hard through this entire post, I don't know exactly what to say. Thanks for the entertainment though.
ReplyDeleteAs usual, this reminded me of something only tangentially-related, which I will now bore you with.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was a teenager, one of the major fun things we did in our city neighborhood was to blow some dope and then set up a big chessboard on the sidewalk and play. Winner stayed and took on the next guy in line, loser had to go to the end.
Obviously, that had nothing to do with vampires, and only the slightest bit to do with boozing, but who else could I tell it to?
See? I knew there'd come a day when you'd regret having met me, but you're only now beginning to realize it :-)
Angie: Thanks.
ReplyDeleteProtege: I know the pieces of the board, and even have a marble chessboard. But I never had anyone to personally teach me how to play. I shift the tiny people around and imagine them in a drama. About as far as I have ever taken it.
Eric: It was the chess-boozing, wasn't it? And the fact that I don't know how to really play it makes for an even more entertaining drinking time, and lots of bathroom trips.
Suldog: I haven't regretted meeting you yet. I think you're going to have to tell me more stories than that to get me to stay away - say about 1000 more to start with.
You got a lot of storytelling to do. And I don't pity you.
And while we're doing book reviews, check out "Lamb" by Christopher Moore. The subtitle is "The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal".
ReplyDeleteReally, do you need to know more than that? It's worth reading just to see the rough draft of the Sermon on the Mount.
In short, it's hilarious.
Vamped sounds like a really fun book. I love fiction based on vampires. I just read a great book called Forbidden: The Temptation. Samantha Sommersby’s Forbidden universe rocks with sexy vampires, wildly irreverent weres, and sassy kick-butt heroines.
ReplyDeleteAnd just think, this used to be such a clean blog.
ReplyDeleteAre you sure you are not from Louisiana? booze and food. And sex.
ReplyDeleteGo figure
Oren
Chris: Now that is what I call a book review! You got my interest!
ReplyDeleteKristen: It's definitely a young adult novel, which this will be an enjoyable first for me. It has many of the idiosyncracies associated with teenagers, and uses a lot of modern day icons in its terminology - such as Brad Pitt (who can't get enough of him!)
It's toned down with the gore usually associated with the rougher vampire stories. I don't mind the gore, but I know some people can't take that. There is humor and romance and action, along with shopping at Macy's.
Snowbrush: I've been a little lax with the housecleaning.
Oren: Maybe I was supposed to be born Louisiana, but the stork hit a crosswind and dropped my little bundle of surliness out in Penna.
So, your Pens have a game seven tonight. Buck and I have game sevens tomorrow. Ooh! Suspenseful!
ReplyDeleteSuldog: Biting nails....
ReplyDeleteSurly, I got here from http://www.insearchofgiants.com/
ReplyDeleteand laughed all the way through.
Gavin: Glad I could give you the giggles! Thanks for stopping by and commenting!
ReplyDeleteWow, you're so good that you made chess sound sexy. I'll never look at the rook the same again. You're amazing.
ReplyDeleteTheresa: Might as wel at the game sexy. It's so hard to play otherwise. :)
ReplyDeletethat does sound like a fun book! congrats on winning. I think i would have guessed the horsey piece.
ReplyDeleteChris S: Thanks! Well, not enough good things can be said about the knight, but I wanted to try a different chess piece.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Michelle! I'm actually in the middle of a "vampire fiction" marathon, this will be a great one to put on my list :)
ReplyDeleteSkyeblu: If you want more information, you can stop by her website:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.luciennediver.com/