A Mem-what?

I’ve been tagged by Suldog to do a meme. HUH?

Understand something, people! I am still new to this whole blogger-initiation thing. I figured I would get a few slaps on the butt by some gorgeous guy, maybe a plaque welcoming me to the club, and a hearty handshake that is hiding the hunky guy’s phone number. I did not know it would involve tags and memes and having sex with avocados.

Er, no. Sex involving avocados. Okay, that makes more sense. You confused me for a second, Suldog. Stop laughing about it! I was ready to go to the store to buy some naughty fruit.

Anyway, here are the rules as far as I understand them:

1. Link to your tagger and post these rules on your blog.

*Well, that is stating the obvious*

2. Share 7 facts about yourself on your blog: some random, some weird.

*See! I knew this meme thing was pure evil*

3. Tag 7 people at the end of your post by leaving their names as well as links to their blogs.

*Wow! I do not even HAVE seven people reading my blog and now you want me to piss off those few I DO have so they will not visit me anymore. That’s just plain sick, people*

4. Let them know they are tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

*Isn’t this rule considered harassment, especially if you consider rule number 3? Oh well. I think I will bend this rule a little and have whoever leaves a comment wanting to play along as being tagged. Then I will just update this post with their name and link to their blog. I’m a slacker; I admit it*
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7 weird and random facts about me.

1. I was once bit on the hand by my sister’s ferret.

Yeah, it bit me right on the thumb. I had borrowed him to take to highschool for a project in Public Communications and Speaking. We made commercials which would air in the morning classrooms during home-room time. Mine involved home protection. "In case burglars broke into your house, buy a can of FERRET-B-GONE for protection." It featured the student getting attacked by the ferret. I made sure not to tell him about the wound I got when loading the animal into the box before school.

2. I have a tattoo.

I realize a lot of people have a tattoo, but this meme said to be random. What could be more random than going from the topic of vicious ferrets to tattoos? I would tell you what and where the tattoo is, but I plan to do a post about it in the near future. I do not want to spoil the surprise. I’m weird like that.

3. I once rode on the back of a hog naked while lassoing chickens with baling twine.

Heck, no. I’m lying through my teeth. I’m just a boring writer trying to find some entertainment with this post. I figured that if I wrote something this oddball then it would make me seem interesting. It didn’t work? DAMN!

4. When growing up, I had nightmares where every member of my family had killed me.

This is true. From the age of 5 up to 9, I would have a dream every night with one of them doing the dirty deed in a new and disturbing way. My brother’s method was with poisonous snakes. My sister’s method was imprisonment and placing poison in my food. The dreams involving my mother always featured the mall where she would push me over the railing on the second floor. And my father stalked me with axes. For most of my young life I only got about a good 4 hours of sleep a night - in 2 hour intervals. The habit is so ingrained into me now that at the most I might get 5 hours, and I still wake up sometime during the night.

5. I hate mayo.

Correction: I LOATHE MAYO! I DESPISE MAYO! IF MAYO WERE HANGING BY FINGERNAILS ON A LEDGE, I WOULD GLEEFULLY STOMP ON ITS HANDS AND TAKE PICTURES OF ITS PLUMMET DOWN ONTO THE JAGGED ROCKS SO I COULD POST THE YOUTUBE VIDEO! From the very first day I tasted it, it reminded me of Milk of Magnesia that my mom would give me for upset stomachs. Whenever she fixed me baloney sandwiches for elementary school, I would hide the offensive food underneath the pine trees before getting on the bus. After school, I took the sandwich and fed it to the many animals on the property. I loved living on a farm.

6. I love bugs, especially spiders.

I do not know why. I can’t kill them. Even flies are hard to swat. If there is some way I can trap them and toss the critter outside, I will do it. The whole swatting the bug with a shoe just sends a shiver through me.

7. I once had a horny cow try to hump me.

Oh, God. Why did I mention this? I could not think of anything else for the last post. Yes, we raised cows on the farm. Yes, sometimes they would get the urge to come up behind a person, lay their necks on top of your shoulder so they could rear up, and . . . well, I don’t have to go into any more details. Please, don’t ask for any more details. Please?
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So now you have my answers. Thanks for ostracizing me from this home that I once called the Havens of Blogtopia. I’m sure you’ve already shredded up my resume. I will be skulking away now. Whoever wants to play along, then play along.