I had a different post in mind today. I was going to read an excerpt from a new manuscript idea I jotted down a few days ago. Yes. I was going to record my own voice, upload it, and have you listen to the post. Unfortunately, I discovered two disturbing things:
1. The microphone makes that annoying humming/buzzing noise when attached to my laptop, which you can hear in the recording.
2. I hate the sound of my own voice. Always have, always will.
So until I can find a way on how to get rid of the machine noise while finding a cheap doctor who would give me a voice make-over, you are just going to have to deal with having my silent posts. And since I have not been myself for most of the week, I did not make any normal post for today. I’m winging my way through this and, between you and me, I’m doing a horrible job at it.
Anyway, I figured I would share some random (a.k.a. strange) things that have happened in my life. No. Nobody tagged me with a meme. Breathe in long and deep those sighs of relief.
1. I almost got into a rock-paper-scissor match with the man down at the DMV over an argument involving how tall I am.
Weird huh? When I got my driver’s license two years ago, I told the guy behind the desk that I was 5'3. He kept insisting that I was 5'9. The only logical course of action was a three-out-of-five, rock-paper-scissor, death match. Whoever won would have that height on my DL. Whoever lost would be hanged and quartered. As we got our fingers nimble, someone else compared our heights and came toward the conclusion I was 5'6. It was an acceptable compromise for all of us. No blood became shed on their clean linoleum.
2. I have had the extreme fortune of hearing the worst pick-up line from a guy.
Horrible. It was absolutely the last thing a guy could say before a first date. Believe me; I cannot possibly think of any worse way to impress a woman. Brace yourselves and get the barf bags ready.
“I don’t ever want to get married, but I want to have seven kids. Since I already have a son with this other girl, you only have to give me six more.”
Yes, he said that to me. No, I never called him back. Yes, I’m very much resigned to being single for the rest of my life. No, I’m deluding myself that those tears on my face are tears of joy.
3. Six different creatures have bitten me and not one of those bites came from a handsome guy in a speedo.
Six times. I never worked in a zoo or a vet’s office. Although I grew up on a farm, none of the livestock ever sank teeth into me (a pig did to my brother). Here’s the list from the most normal types of animals to the strangest.
Dog
Mole
Snake
Chipmunk
Ferret
Albino Opossum
Okay. I have humiliated myself enough today. Go amuse yourself somewhere else.
Oh, hon, not good with the pickup line or the critter bites. (You're welcome to the Donkey Bling as an award from my blog, 'cause I do love ya.)
ReplyDelete(On the paper, rock, scissors...always pull out the secret DYNAMITE sign. It's a closed fist with the thumb sticking up. The only thing that beats it is scissors, 'cause it can cut your fuse, but the ambush usually works.) :)
May I assume after this, that you have no soft spot for animals?! xxx
ReplyDeleteAn albino possum??? Hope you keep writing random posts; they're very interesting! :)
ReplyDeleteMichelle,
ReplyDeleteI know this will come across as a little weak, but on behalf of the male of the species, I'm sorry that there are morons like that guy among us. Disrespect, especially towards women, really makes my blood boil. There must be something missing in his DNA string.
I hate the sound of my own voice, too. Heard it on a home video a few weeks ago, and threatened to stop talking. Strangely enough, no tried to change my mind...
Oh, I hate the sound of my voice, too! I sound like a 5-year-old, I swear. People always say it's "cute." Grr.
ReplyDeleteI share your pain on the lame pick-up lines, too. Goodness, why can't men just say "hi, nice to meet you" anymore? Don't worry though, there are still some good ones out there. I found one, and you will too :-)
About those animal bites, that would make a great character trait! Maybe you could write a story that revolves around why your MC antagonizes animals. Lots of directions you could go with it. "Write what you know," right?
Opossums scare me... they're basically rats on steroids and I'm guessing albino opossums are even meaner, as all the schoolyard opossums beat them up and called them names.
ReplyDeleteBut how the heck did you cheese off the chipmunk that much?
I have had arguments at the dmv, though never over my height... you should've told him it was a genetic fault in men that made them think things were longer than they actually are :-)
Maybe his speedo was too tight. Go figure. Sorry for the goofballs of the world. Go measure yourself on the 7-11 door frame. We know this is always correct. See ya.
ReplyDeleteOren
Those are about as random and fascinating as possible. I can always count on being entertained when I come here, that's for sure.
ReplyDeleteBeing a Penguins fan, you will be amused when you see my blog today :-)
Angie: I never heard of "secret Dynamite sign." Wish I knew that when I was a kid. Imagine of the sticks of gum I could have won! I'll pick up the Donkey Bling when I get a free moment.
ReplyDeleteJinksy: Actually, I love animals. Every one of those bites happened because of my own stupid fault - except for the dog and and mole.
Brenda: I will make more random posts on occasion. Glad you liked it!
Buckskins: I don't know what was with that guy, but I know not all men are like that. I have the ones visiting my blog as good examples.
L.C. Gant: Exactly! I have that five-year-old voice. UGH!
Merry: I walked right up to the chipmunk and snatched it out of the grass. Sufficed to say, he didn't like me doing that and sank teeth into my thumb.
Oren: Speedo to tight! I never considered it. I'll do the door thing the next time. :)
Suldog: I try my best.
And I did take a peek at your post in my reader. You lucky dog! A zamboni ride on your birthday - I am so jealous.
Wow! I so need to spell check my responses more. Oh well. Blame it on the Monday, everyone.
ReplyDeleteAh Michele, another great post from you!;))
ReplyDeleteI also agree about the voice thing; I can not stand listening to myself; I think I sound weird and obnoxious.;))
I have never been bitten in my life by anything.;) I think.;))
I would have punched the lights out on the guy with the pick-up line.:P
Hope you are feeling better today.;)
Well... I'm thinking you have a brilliant career ahead of you, Michelle... if this is your worst!! (read as: I loved it.)
ReplyDeletere: that pick-up line. That's about the most incredibly STUPID and insensitive thing I've heard in my entire life, and I'm not kidding one lil bit. This may be insensitive, as well, but so be it: guys like that are walking arguments for preventative euthanasia.
ok... nuffin wrong with bein 5'6"... i'm 6'4", and keep smackin my head on those damn bus and subway overhead hand hold bars :(
ReplyDeletewhat... NO wolf bites? :O lol
hopefully i can see enough in a week or two to resume blog visits more often...
Protege: I heard a strange thing recently. Supposedly, your own voice sounds different in your own ears than in other peoples. I wonder if it's true.
ReplyDeleteI only punch the guys I like. The obnoxious ones I ignore completely.
Buck: Walking arguments for preventative euthanasia? Oh, I am so writing that line down! That was brilliant!
Laughingwolf: Get well soon, hon. Personally, I like tall men. But all men are tall compared to me, so it doesn't make me extremely picky.
No wolf bites. With the funky line he gave, I had enough of a bad taste in my mouth.