“Is this thing on?” *Announcer taps microphone* “Good day, folks! Glad you could stop by this humble blog called,” *flips through papers*, “THE SURLY WRITER! We have a wonderful show for you. So sit back and relax as your host entertains everyone by juggling fiery stuffed poodles while swallowing cooking utensils dipped in horseradish!”
Michelle: “Um . . . I am going to be doing what?”
Announcer: ”Just reading off the paper. It says you are going to stand on one hand with an anvil balanced on your foot while you burp out the tune of Camptown Races! Won’t that be entertaining, folks?”
Michelle: “That is not what it says on my paper, and what happened to the flaming poodles?”
Announcer: “The producer told me through my earpiece that setting a poodle on fire is considered an act of cruelty to stuffed animals.”
Michelle: “Wait! Who are you? Your voice sounds very familiar. And I swear I have seen your face before.”
Announcer: “You need to clean your eyeglasses. Anyway, our host will now strip naked and wallow in a vat of Mallo Cups.”
Michelle: “My paper says that I am going to be doing a poll on my blog. I want to find out how many visitors are readers and how many visitors are writers. Hold up! Did you mention Mallo Cups? I swear I got a comment a few weeks ago from one of my visitors talking about those.”
Announcer: “Yes, that’s right everyone! We want to know more about the people who visit this blog. Below is a simple poll for you to take. Just click on which of the statements best describes who you are: ‘Reader who blogs,’ ‘Blogger who reads,’ ‘Writer who should be writing but is blogging,’ ‘Writer who writes for fun,’ ‘Writer who writes seeking to one day became published,’ ‘Reader who blogs about writing,’ ‘Writer who blogs about reading,’ ‘Blogger who reads about writers who blog about reading for fun and writing for publication,’ and ‘Click this button if you want to see your host doing naked gymnastics and you will receive a $10 Amazon gift card.’”
Michelle: “Writers who readers who bloggers . . . I’m confused, and that last one has to be a joke.”
Announcer: “Is it? I bet you’ll get more clicks on this choice than any of the others.”
Michelle: “I bet you won’t.”
Announcer: “Fine. If I win then you have to mail me a picture of yourself naked, and if you win then you have to email me a picture of you naked.”
Michelle: “But either way you get pictures of me naked. That is a win-win situation for me. What do you get out of it?”
Announcer: “Um . . . how is it a win-win situation for you?”
Michelle: “I’ll be covered from head to toe in crushed Mallo Cups. You won’t see any bare skin.”
Announcer: “Damn! Anyway, go place your vote on the poll for MDGF while I go outside looking at my empty mailbox and sighing.”
Michelle: “MDGF? Only one person calls me that . . .”
*Show Ends*
This is all in fun and not to offend, except the poll in the sidebar. Cast your vote today! And visit here and here to check out that announcer guy. I swear he is someone I might know.
Oh, Gawd, MDGF. You chose an... interesting day to send folks to my place. Love you!
ReplyDeleteSuldog: Well, I placed the second link up there too. Maybe people will just believe you are having an off day on the other one. And finding out that you not only do voice-overs, but are also a music director is also fascinating material.
ReplyDeleteUm. Michelle? There's no choice in the poll for "reader who is a naked writer covered in crushed Mallo cups."
ReplyDeleteSo, I wasn't sure how to vote.
juggling fiery stuffed poodles"
ReplyDeleteBefore I visit your blog again, I will need to know that I am not contributing to the needless suffering of innocent poodles. If the poodles you juggle are in fire-proof suits, I can live with it. If they are faux poodles, I can live with that as well. But if they are really burning poodles that are screaming and urinating and defecating all over the place as you toss them repeatedly into the air while their flesh falls off in greasy, stinking globs, I might have an issue.
P.S. Suldog will have an issue if burning trees are juggled as his wife has sensitive hands and needs all available trees to make double thickness coffee cups.
I am taking the poll now, after I stop laughing.;)))
ReplyDeleteYou know, you should be writing movie scripts or theater plays.;)
I voted and marked 2 spots. Will this throw the results into a recount? Good reading again,
ReplyDeleteOren
Ummm... there's no category for "former technical writer turned blogger who might be considered 'published' if technical proposals for a large multi-national IT-outsourcing firm were considered in the grand scheme of things." Numerous WINNING proposals, I should add... ;-)
ReplyDeleteBut, Hey. We can't have EVERYTHING in life, can we? And I DID vote. (Insert big ol' grin here)
There's probably no way to prove this, Michelle, but I was the first vote. And being the first vote made me feel kinda sad and alone BUT I DID IT ANYWAY OUT OF SHEER LOYALTY TO ONE OF MY FAVORITE BLOG-BUDDIES!
ReplyDeleteGlad I found your blog site. I found it through Maugeritaville. Thanks for your humorous musings. Oh yeah, I took your poll too. Happy polling.
ReplyDeleteKnew that had to be the bad boy Suldawg!
ReplyDeleteHugs to you, bloggy writer reader woman. :)
Does one short story and a couple of dozen poems count as a published author?! Your options didn't really cover a writer who reads, would love to be published but probably won't in any significant way, but will continue to write for the hell of it! Now you must be as confused as me...
ReplyDeleteAerin: Yeah, I did sort of skip over that choice because I figured the "reader who is a naked writer covered in crushed Mallo cups" wouldn't actually be able to cast a vote because their hands would be too sticky. Now I know better.
ReplyDeleteSnowbrush: Haha, oh wait. EWW! I should have read the full comment first. Very descriptive while funny and gross at the same time. Hmm... you will fit right in at this blog.
No, I assure you the poodles are those pink stuffed animals made from hazardous material that burns up in a fiery ball and sends out toxic fumes both life-threatening and strangely intoxicating. As for juggling burning trees, I would not stir up Suldog's wrath.
Protege: I have too much on my plate right now to even think about the script option, or where to begin with it. Thanks for the vote!
Oren: No, it won't throw off the count. I made the poll so you could vote on multiple topics. Glad you liked it!
Buck: Oh, um, yeah... forgot another choice too. How could I have ever forgotten THAT!
Chris: After consulting my crystal ball, I realized you were the first vote and felt sad and alone for you. So I cast my own vote on the poll, which means I was the second person. (true story)
Theresa: Thanks for stopping by and voting! Hmm, strange circumstances. I met Suldog, whom I assume met Chris at Maugeritaville. Through Suldog, Chris met me. You met Chris and through him met me. I made a post about Suldog. Talk about your six degrees of separation, or four as the case may be.
Angie: What gave it away? The announcer wanting the naked pictures or the naked pictures wanted by the announcer?
Hugs right back attacha, Oh Reader Woman of Blogger Gumbo writing!
Jinksy: Um, yeah. You can vote for as many as you think applies to you. As for having a short story published, I would give some leeway and say you can mark it down as "published author" so long as you got paid for the story.
i'd vote... if i could :(
ReplyDeleteLaughingwolf: If the poll isn't working for you, give me your answer and I'll plug it in for you.
ReplyDelete*laughing insanely* That just made my day! But i cant figure out how to vote... Help!
ReplyDeleteSkyeblu: Oops! The poll already closed! If you want, you can post it here and I'll do a new tally.
ReplyDeleteThx, I guess i'm a "writer who writes for fun"
ReplyDeleteSkyeblu: I placed your vote in!
ReplyDelete