This is a post of those little things that build up inside me but aren’t enough for a full-blown story. I did one like this before where I played anagram games with my name and talked about kinky muses. If you want to visit that post (God knows why), you can read about it here.
So, what should I talk about first?
What ideas have filled my mind with a thirst?
For my readers, it has to be witty and bright,
Not something of boredom or amazingly trite.
I have to type something down before my head bursts.
Hm? I guess I could talk about those evil limerick things.
Recently, I visited Angie Ledbetter’s blog, Gumbo Writer. She made a post about limericks and asked her readers to try their hands at writing a few. Unfortunately, what Angie doesn’t know about is that something strange lurks inside me. Ha . . . ha. All my readers said, “stranger.” Didn’t you? Admit it. When I typed in that last sentence, you said, “Michelle is being extremely modest about herself.” I have funny visitors. I’ll let those comments slide this time.
Anyway, the strange thing has to do with a little word called, Prompt. Whenever anybody makes a suggestion pertaining to writing, I have to accept the challenge. I love to challenge myself with ideas, like when someone had made a comment about a serial headless chicken reaper and I made a story about it. The weirder the suggestion the better.
At first, I wasn’t going to write a limerick. I even logged off and walked away from the computer thinking, “Oh, I couldn’t possibly come up with one.” Then the sickness hit me. Wouldn’t it be amazing if I came up with a limerick using hard words, like aplomb? And so I did.
There once was a man named Tom,
Who thought his body was “Da Bomb.”
With me, he wanted to spend the night.
We got into a gigantic fistfight,
And he got a broken nose and less aplomb.
After slipping in my two-cent’s worth on Angie’s blog, I logged off again and went upstairs to finish my manuscript. I ended up writing four more limericks. I’ll post two of them here. The challenge was to come up with words rhyming with “trough” and “knave.” I failed with the first one because the birds were screeching outside the window and I figured “dove” sounded a little like“trough.”
Resting upon the cow’s trough
Sat a peaceful morning dove.
It cooed a sleepy trill,
Which caused my heart to feel a thrill,
As it flew onto my gardening glove.
Forsooth, young knave!
Dareth not venture into yonder cave.
In there lurks a terrible beast.
Upon your shaking bones it will feast.
It’s my fire-breathing mother-in-law called Maeve!
Evil limerick things! Now I walk around looking at stuff wondering if I can think up a rhyme for it. CURSE THIS PROMPT CURSE! Hmm . . . I wonder if I could come up with one featuring the word, “onomatopoeia?” Wouldn’t that be a sight to see? Ha!
Words that imitate the sense of sounds,
To push my sanity into unknown bounds.
It might take me weeks without going to the bathroom to pee - ahh!
NOOOOO! I just wrote another limerick!
I know by the end of the day I’ll come up with ten more.
If only Angie had not implored,
her fellow readers to give a try,
Coming up with rhyming phrases on the fly.
My mind is tainted with them to the very core.
The next things I will talk about are Internet search engines.
I’ve been meaning to discuss this, because I find it absolutely fascinating about the things people will Google search an answer for . . . like eyeballs. For my blog, I can track when a search engine has trolled over it looking for certain phrases as Google will put “The Surly Writer” name up in the results. Some of these searches . . .
Itchy and bumpy everything: tongues, mouths, backs, eyelids, internal organs - This is because I made a funny post about the time I had the shingles(reactivation of the chickenpox virus.) I have also gotten search hits for knave, chickenpox, and potty training for this post.
She crashed her daddy’s nova - Yes, I’ve gotten hits for the lyrics I posted concerning the band Rehab and their “Bartender Song.” I’M STILL GETTING HITS FOR IT! By my count, I’m over 100. Incredible.
Dumb things people will do - I understand why I got this hit. Everybody needs a good laugh now and then or we wouldn’t have reality shows. For this one, I made a ten-part series of posts titled, “The ten stupid things a kid can (and if the opportunity arises - will) do during their spare time.” I listed all those stories involving my childhood: my brother bitten by a pig, using an acetylene torch to set fire to a beehive, trying to catch bats with butterfly nets, and using beer bottles to shoot off fireworks near oil storage tanks.
Exorcizing ghost pets - I have NO idea why for this one. All I did was post pictures about all the pets I once had . . . oh, yeah. I did make a funny quip at the end about needing an exorcist for them. Well, that explains it.
I killed someone today - I have gotten hits on this because I used this phrase for a post title. I talked about how it took me a bit of time to find the genre I wanted to pursue in my writing. I also talked about printing out my stories on paper, which meant killing trees - hence the title.
This last search hit freaks me out a little. Why would anyone do a search for this? Could they possibly be seeking validation for a crime they committed by finding other people who enjoy this endeavor? Or is this search engine used by the FBI to find those criminals who are dumb enough to post their misdeeds? Oh no! The FBI must have a file on me! READ THE POST, G-MEN! IT’S NOT WHAT YOU THINK!
Madness: Yes, I got hits for this one. Stop snickering. I made a post with “madness” in the title (the same one with the Bartender Song lyrics.) I said you could stop snickering now. You are making creases in my angry brow.
Whatever, I will end this post. I don’t need anyone making outrageous boasts.
The state of my sanity is fine as I leave this place while making my bow.